An Introvert Does Public Speaking

While I might be stepping up my training schedule to prepare for the task of cycling across Canada at ‘my age’ (63), I am spending equal amounts of time at my desk. Here I hope I can turn the researching I’m doing into calls-to-action for women’s health and ovarian cancer, or into sparkling accounts of the travel experiences that led me to believe I might be able to pedal across a continent for this cause.

And the thought of publicly delivering that information terrifies me.

Social and Performance Anxiety

An introvert does public speaking. I’m sure you can picture it; the sense of foreboding doom the moment you wake up on ‘speech day’, mornings in the bathroom, building to a type of mute paralysis as one marches to ‘the venue’, trying to unlock mind, hands, knees, and voice gripped in terror and tremors before the dreaded ‘reveal’. It’s not pretty, and I would often feel pity welling up inside of me, not for myself, but for the audience who will be suffering alongside this text-book display of flight behaviour.

What a revelation, then, when I read Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking”, which nailed the symptoms and neuroses of socially-challenged people. She, along with researcher and psychologist at Harvard, Dr. Brian Little, have exhaustively researched and reported on ‘my brand’ of introversion.

Apparently I’m in that group of people that demonstrated very early on in life higher than normal arousal to stimuli – noise, action, speed and confusion – and, as a result, tend to be that kind of person that seeks quiet places, and restorative niches to cope with their sensitivity. I’m not particularly fond of crowds, pub-volume chatter, theatre intermissions, hectic train stations, a room full of banquet tables. My comfort zone is one-on-one conversation, on a beach with a book or a trail with an understanding companion, or at an acoustic small-chamber-ensemble concert with the lights out. Anything that is not conducted under the gaze of others, or require artful social negotiations.

Passion Trumps Fear

How did I survive years of front-of-class teaching and choral directing, especially when it involved the most critical crowd of them all – adolescents? I managed to muzzle my fear by the sheer passion I felt for educating and inspiring others in music. Conviction of my cause was so strong it overrode possibility of fear sabotaging my efforts.

I discover that Dr. Little has had a lot to say about this phenomenon – where introverts will come out of their shell for projects they feel passionate about. Any ambivalence you feel about your ability to lead, impassion, inspire – i.e., all those things that extroverts fall off logs doing ever day – is dispelled when the message you want to deliver is worth the risk – public humiliation – you are taking.

Enduring Self-Promotion and Fundraising

Of course you risk public humiliation when you have to – on behalf of your project – promote yourself. Like most introverts, I keep my cards pretty close to my chest, so opening up in public – with strands of stories and anecdotes that are self-referential – is normally a no-go for me. I always felt as a teacher that self-revealing stories were off-topic, and I resented more gregarious types – at conferences and the like – taking up our professional time with personal stores and opening ‘gags’. Personal stories are just that, and are best reserved to moments of confidence. But, in this case, the ride is part of the story – the part the press and the public are interested in, and so I must accept the vulnerability I will expose, and hope that it will not be construed as grandstanding (if they only knew!)

And if you think self-promotion and public speaking are out-of-the-box challenging for introverts, try fundraising! An issue I spent weeks deliberating – should I just settle for role of educator on this trip, and let others take care of the next step – the funds needed to supply women with the life-saving resources they need if they develop ovarian cancer? In the end, considering the importance of the latter, and common assumption that we would be trying to raise funds as part of our mission, we relented, and added the fundraising element. I say relented as it is another action that requires a bright, confident public face, one that is optimistic that people will commit to your cause, and not troubled if they don’t. Perhaps the most demanding of the uncharacteristic roles I am stepping into on this trip; can you think of any successful fundraising campaign that allowed the fundraiser to remain silent and invisible? If you do, please let me know!!

The Personal Project 

And so, this is how an introvert goes public – when the reason is compelling enough, like speaking on behalf of women at risk of or living with ovarian cancer. I am devastated and angry about the outcome for my sister and 56% of the other 2800 women in Canada who are diagnosed with ovarian cancer each year and don’t live past 5 years with the disease. I feel called upon to share the recent medical perspectives about best preventative strategies for ovarian cancer, like a total hysterectomy or DNA testing. I want to emphasize that knowledge is power and one’s life, and that by being attuned to any irregularities, like bloated abdomens when you have been eating like a bird, are reason enough to seek medical advice, and advocate for appropriate testing and treatment.

And I want us to climb up on our soap boxes to insist that it’s time women with ovarian cancer are part of the good news story, the one about being showered with the time and funds needed to advance the state of ovarian cancer research and treatment. Behind every death – every premature death – there is a lack of knowledge. Let’s improve our knowledge, let’s improve our results – let’s ensure that every daughter, mother and sister has the means to live vibrant and long lives.

I miss you, Sheila. That’s why I’m not letting my introversion get in the way of this passion-project. Bring on the ride and the chances to speak to lay down my heart for this story about my sister and all the people that deserve a better hearing, and all the people who are stepping up to make sure they do. It is a cause I boldly and proudly speak for.

We launch tomorrow – wish me courage! I’ll let you know how it goes!